Tips On Mentoring, Part Four

SPEAK WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

What do you know of your student’s background? Economic considerations can carry much weight in the development of a life, but even more important are social and relational factors. What ideas, outlooks, relational parameters, etc., are espoused in your student’s home situation? In the home, what does he or she learn overtly and through unspoken messages? These have a great influence on your protégé’s self-image, perceived needs, goals, perspectives on life and attitudes towards situations and people. While some parents work to provide a strong, Bible-based home life and instill constructive principles in their children, others do not. Your voice of encouragement, of positive ideals, of “goodness,” may be the only sound of acceptance, unconditional love, affirmative values or spiritual integrity in this young life. Be sure to speak the words that will provide encouragement instead of discouragement, victory instead of defeat, and dreams instead of bitterness and helplessness.

There will be times when a strong word or two will be spoken in the mentoring relationship. Just remember the old saying, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” In the times that you are unable to easily sway your ward’s perspective on a topic, don’t berate or harangue. Let the subject go. Just give it a rest. Later on, there may be opportunity to address the issue again. If not, and if circumstances develop poorly because of your student’s stubbornness, be sure to not say, “I told you so.” After all, you are mentoring this young life to produce a better person, not to merely “prove” your wisdom. Speak words of support. By making certain that you are an encouraging, affirmative, uplifting, positive, forward-thinking influence in the young life that is following you, your few words of “criticism” will carry immense weight.

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

You do not have to be vapid, glossing over the bad and ignoring the worst. Just quietly affirm those things in your follower that are good and right. Remain grounded in reality, otherwise your advice will take on an unreal (and, therefore, non-valid) quality. It is okay to recognize the facts of a hard condition in your student’s life. What you suggest as a response to that fact or that circumstance should bring hope to your student – not a false hope, but a genuine optimism. When faced with a tough situation, be sure to speak words of support. Continue to promote your protégé to better things – to greater things. Remain steadfast in bringing hope to a young life. Always look to the positive for your words and actions. Be ready to speak forth affirmative alternatives. Be ready to fuel a dream.

Find the best in your young ward and praise him or her for it. Whether it is sports, art, grades, social ability, mechanical aptitude, or something else, once you discover your student’s strengths, encourage him or her in these areas. Be careful to offer praise and encouragement not just once or twice, but long and loud. Your student wants genuine support from you. Give him or her words that are positive, affirming and optimistic. Your student wants a show of support especially in areas where he or she has a greater interest. Your reinforcement in those areas of interest will give greater weight to your leadership in other areas – areas that you see need to be developed in your pupil’s life. Your role as a mentor is to find a way to encourage the best in this young person, and your words are a good place to start.

What would you use to fit glass into a mold? A hammer? Probably not. Heat that is carefully applied, on the other hand, can work wonders with glass, melting it until it will flow freely into the chosen mold. Your student will come to resent your use of force in trying to compel him or her to Christian standards. Just as properly applied heat causes glass to become pliable, your words of affirmation and love will nurture your protégé’s desire to conform to the image of Christ.