Bulletin Blunders

Here are some well-intentioned (and very funny) announcements found in church bulletins across the nation:

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Evening massage - 6 p.m.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better.

Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.